Why people deceive and how to deal with them

Human mind is highly complex. Its complexity is so high that even the astonishing technological developments happening around us have not been able to find ways to unfold the mysteries involved. One of the main reasons that contribute to the complexity of human minds is the constant emotional drama happening around us every passing nano second. The competition that happens between the heart and the brain appears to be a logical one where each one of them claims their legitimacy in a perfect manner.

 

Interactions among humans in varying capacities act as the basis for the complexities faced by the human minds. Deceit and treachery becomes a part of the game making people realize that it is a ‘man eat man’ society they are living in. This causes a feeling of insecurity in people meddling with their basic character to be honest at all times. Increasing competition poses a threat to the very survival paving way to ponder over why most people have the tendency of becoming treacherous and deceitful, especially when peer group competition is involved. Let us have a detailed look at what to do and what not to do when we have such people around us at home, office or worse as our superior. We will also look at ways to deal with such people.

 

Why most people have the tendency of becoming treacherous and deceitful, especially when peer group competition is involved?

 

Many among us have experienced the feeling of being let down or back stabbed by someone whom we thought were honest to us. Multiple reasons contribute for the transformation of an honest person in to a deceitful character. Such transformed people fall into one of the four categories given below based on the frequency of their lies. A clear understanding of these charecteristics will help us deal with them in the appropriate manner

 

  1. Systematic Liars – Can be identified easily since they exhibit a pattern that is usually recognizable. Their deceit is predominantly to safeguard their own interests and not targeted on others

 

  1. Insecure Liars – Expose themselves easily through their weak body language. Their deceit can be harmful to others since their own safety is more important to them than anything else

 

  1. Occasional Liars – Are deceptive to achieve important purposes and can be dangerous to others many a time

 

  1. Frequent Liars – Are the ones who needs to be studied about in an in depth manner. Frequent liars can be divided in to two categories based on moral value system and response to their situations. Their deceit is mostly intentional and targets causing harm to others.

 

  • People with feeble or no Moral Values

For people with feeble or no moral values, nothing is unethical. They consider being deceitful the right approach to ensure a safeguarded living.

 

  • People’s response to Pressure caused due to competition

This is one of the major reasons which convert honesty into dishonesty very easily. Competition typically causes many types of pressures forcing people to lie. Fear and Anxiety are two such pressures experienced as common emotions by humans in their day to day life. Fear mentioned above may be anything ranging between fear of failure and fear of being overtaken by others to fear of stagnation and fear of being left out. Such fears basically increase the anxiety levels pushing people to wear a ‘deceit mask’ involuntarily.

 



At this stage, it is important to understand some basic skill sets and attributes which contribute to deceit.

 

  • Amazing socializing skills which make people manage any number of lies just to lift up their image or pull down others image
  • High levels of working memory to remember all the lies uttered to different people at different times in different contexts
  • Striking levels of imagination to create more and more number of lies just to uphold the basic lie that was created
  • Fascinating originality levels to create excuses flexing the truth
  • Astonishing levels of creativity to promote oneself justifying their behavior at all points of time

 

All the positive adjectives given above substantiating the characteristics of deceitful peer results in their unethical behavior making us feel back-stabbed. It then becomes mandatory for us to understand the ways to deal with such people. Coming into terms with reality is the first and foremost requisite to handle deceptive people.

 

Ways to deal with deceitful people from a mental angle

While all that glitters is not gold appears to be a cliche or preaching, a clear understanding of this reality will help us handle deceitful people with great ease. It is important that we tune our minds to the following points so we are not caught unaware of by deceitful characters.

 

  • Lying is a part and parcel of human race
  • Deception comprises not only lying but also the portion of truth that is being hidden
  • Most people continue to lie in order to hide a single lie uttered earlier
  • Humans around us are not exactly what we see but what they really hide from us
  • The major differentiation that takes a toll on our life is the percentage of liars amidst whom we are made to stand. Following Pareto’s principle, 20% of people around us contribute 80% of lies while the balance 80% is responsible for the rest of the 20% of lies.

 

Ways to deal with deceitful people from a practical angle

Below given are some practical steps to be taken to survive amidst the deceitful.

  1. Keep asking questions (if the person is not your boss)
  2. Be assertive in conveying your decision
  3. Repeat your decision many times if required
  4. Keep yourself away from deceitful characters as far as possible
  5. Find a common buddy who is capable of playing an intermediary
  6. Bully the peer if required when you are alone with the person
  7. Try to drift towards a positive peer who can help you handle the person or situations he creates
  8. Sharpen your men and matters judgment skills
  9. Have control over your mindset and moods while interacting with deceitful characters
  10. If it is inevitable to avoid the person (handling a deceitful Boss), try to meet his requirement as far as possible

 

Written by Rama Ramji and edited by SiteMaster