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Sexual Desires

Human life is full of mysteries. Many of these mysteries are real ones which have something to do with the concept called universe and its aspects. Many, however, are caused purely due to lack of complete understanding about the concepts. We tend to treat aspects intertwined with our day to day life in a callous manner taking them light, failing to give them the appropriate weightage. We go by what others say or feel about certain concepts in a blind manner. Many key aspects of our life suffer due to this tendency of ours, one such being sexual desires.

Sexual desire is that part of life which is generally associated with our physical self. In reality, the word ‘sex’ is considered as a taboo and is banned to be uttered even during normal circumstances in an open manner. This has paved way for the word ‘Gender’ to replace the same. Sexual desires have long been associated with mere ‘generation building’ act, which incidentally acts as a tool of physical pleasure to men and women. However, many among us fail to realize that it is actually concerned with the mental states of men and women in an individualistic manner. It is connected to the spiritual purpose of life. It has a psychological angle to it. It is directly related to the emotional aspects of humans. This makes sexual desire an excellent part of life when understood in the right perspective because it is one of the strongest feeling that exist. Wrong notions about sexual desires makes many among us search for answers to ‘prohibited to ask’ kind of questions. We become uncommunicative to share questions like why upon reaching a certain age we have such strong sexual desires.  We get confused about ways to tackle these desires when we experience the same and whether these desires are negative or positive. Let us look at sexual desires in a detailed manner to understand the various aspects associated with the same.

Why upon reaching a certain age we have such strong sexual desires?

Sexual desires in human beings are combination of factors which are physiological, social, psychological and hormonal in nature. These factors vary between one person and another based on the genders and as a part of the ageing process. The environment people live in and real life situations experienced by individuals also play a crucial role in deciding the levels of sexual desires in people. Ageing, in particular, changes our perspective towards many aspects of life and this includes sex also.

As we age, we reach a stage in life when we tend to feel alienated or isolated. We reach what the field of Psychology terms as an ‘Empty Nest’ stage. We seek compassion and support from various sources particularly from the other gender. This support is more towards the mental and emotional aspects. Since the mental and emotional aspects of humans are directly related to the physical aspect, we seek refuge in bodily pleasures. After a certain age, sex loses its physical value since it acts more as the incarnation of our very existence. It substantiates values pertaining to our existence making our survival a meaningful one. After a certain age, sex which was once providing physical ecstasy starts providing mental and psychological ecstasy. It creates many invaluable feelings like comfort and affection for which we long as a part of the ageing process. The physical touch of the other gender provides immense solace than physical pleasure, making us feel safe and secured psychologically.

How to tackle these desires?

Sexual arousal or desires pertaining to sex is felt by men and women in different ways during different stages of life. Sexual desire is also highly dependent on the situation men and women are in. For instance, the following people experience sexual desires in real life scenarios and it cannot be termed as something deplorable. After all sexual desire is a natural phenomenon.

  • Single men and women
  • Widows and Widowers
  • Married but legally separated Men and Women
  • Married but living apart Men and Women
  • Married and living with partner but deprived of sex – Men and Women
  • Women married to impotent men who suffer from medical conditions like Premature Ejaculation leading to dissatisfied sexual life
  • Men married to women who lack sexual drive resulting in sex deprivation

There are many ways through which one can tackle the sexual desires.

  • Acknowledge that having sexual urges is not a bad thing
  • Accept that the urge you are feeling is absolutely a normal emotion to experience
  • Recognize the reasons for such sexual urges and keep away from them if you do not want to be aroused. For instance, if you get a feeling that every time you see a sensuous photograph you feel aroused sexually (and if you do not want to get aroused), avoid looking at such photographs. Most of the times, due to the strong pull of these inner urges, you will be desperately craving the joy of having sex, but for instance, if you want to avoid such feelings as you want to force your mind to concentrate on some important task, what you need to do is, you should masturbate to temporarily satisfy the emotions bubbling inside of you. You agree or not, this helps to subdue the feeling to help you concentrate on the task at hand
  • Talk it out openly with someone close to your heart. Many times, unburdening the mind helps us think in a clear manner
  • Move towards spirituality. Get into reading books that offer spiritual advice calming you down physically and mentally.

Are these desires negative or positive? Why and why not?

Irrespective of the gender, sex is totally misunderstood by majority of people in the society. Many a times, we consciously chain ourselves unconditionally to the rules set by the society in various aspects of our life, sex being one among the same. Societal rules pertaining to sex makes people think that such desires, particularly at matured ages are deplorable and deserve the strongest of condemnation. We tend to pull ourselves back from expressing our sexual desires owing to such societal controls. We suppress our sexual urge in a silent manner, suffering the loss it creates physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. A clear understanding about the science behind sexual desires will change our outlook towards the same in a startling manner.

Our libidos tend to lower down as we age. Going by this scientifically proven fact, our sexual desire must be on the lowest of ebb as we age. So, when we say that our sexual desires are stronger than ever before as we age, we must understand its relativity to the mental capacities and emotional aspects. We must restrain ourselves from approaching sex as a tool only to experience physical pleasure at any matured age. Once this understanding dawns upon us, we will no more consider sexual desires as a taboo but will accept it as an amazing natural phenomenon that enriches us in many ways during all stages of our life.

How to understand this strong urge inside of us and use it to our own advantage for any worthy goals that we might have set for ourselves?

Sexual desires which provide physical ecstasy get least prominence beyond a point in life. Many of us feel like pursuing lofty goals as we mature with ageing. It is during such times that we need to carefully assess our feelings towards sex and leverage the strength of the same towards meaningful pursuits we have set for ourselves. If you are single or if you are in a point of your life where you just want to concentrate on your goal and nothing else, some ways to do this are given below.

  • Engage yourself in activities which will keep your mind occupied with other worthy goals distracting you from the sexual desires.
  • Keep yourself busy so you have very little time even to think about sexual pleasure.
  • Pursue hobbies that will keep you away from the sexual desires like reading spiritual books, going to gym, working out and so on
  • Venture out into the world with friends distancing self from the sex related thoughts.
  • Cultivate hobbies that will help you get engrossed totally so you are mentally out of the feeling of sexual desire
  • Perform Yoga which will help you control your mind
  • Focus on eating food items that do not kindle the sexual desires.
  • Exercise regularly so you keep yourself engaged physically and mentally
  • Say ‘No’ to Alcohol and drugs that may increase the sexual drive in you
  • Be in the company of people with whom you do not feel sexually aroused
  • Maintain a To Do List for your day to day activities. This will keep you busy throughout the day reminding you of the pending things to be finished before the day ends.

If you still feel the urge, don’t hesitate to seek medical assistance. Remember, overindulgence in sexual activities or suppressed sexual desires may result in sexual behaviors that are compulsive in nature. Go in for counseling at the right time so you don’t become a sex addict or sex maniac.

Do such desires interfere in pursuing our purpose? Why and why not? If they do? what to do about it?

Sexual desires which are kept under control in a conscious manner do not interfere with the purpose we have set for our lives. People, who approach sex as a way to enjoy the earthly delight offered by the flesh, fail to see the value adding aspects of the same. When the focus is in experiencing the warmth provided by another physical body, we tend to lose our direction towards the loftier goals we have set for ourselves. When we consciously work in converting the yearning for sex in to a productive output, we succeed in achieving the goal we have set for ourselves. It is then that we realize that the satisfaction in achieving the purpose of life is more important than the physical ecstacy produced by the orgasm in the climax. A clear understanding of this aspect will help us translate the sexual urge into positive energy towards pursuits that can elevate us to loftier planes we intend to reach.


Written by Rama Ramji edited by SiteMaster



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