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How to deal with loneliness

Human beings are social animals. We love interacting with others in various capacities. We are ruled by different types of emotions in varying situations. Most of the times, we act as slaves to these emotions and react instead of responding. We tend to lose our clarity when our brain loses its control over our behavior and submit to getting ruled by our heart. This not only drives away relationships from us but also makes us feel lonely to a great extent after every such episode. We feel left out of the crowd and think no one is trying to understand us. We term the world selfish and continue with our search for an alter ego in a lonely manner. This search turns us more into an introvert, making us suppress all the feelings and emotions within ourselves. Suppression, when experienced over a period of time, leads to many kinds of psychological aberrations.

Looking at loneliness from an existentialist point of view, it is not a new phenomenon but something that is born with every human being. In reality, lack of sharing and caring causes loneliness. Loneliness is usually accompanied by many negative feelings like lowered self esteem, depression, aggression and suicidal thoughts. Call it a vicious circle, such feelings that accompany loneliness causes more of it, depriving humans of their basic longing to love, to be loved, to connect and to bond. The grievous pain that loneliness causes in people numbs many while some still overcome the same taking it in the right stride.

Let us have a look at the situations and reasons that contribute to loneliness. We will also discuss in detail about the ways to overcome loneliness before it causes irretrievable damages.

When & why a person has feeling of loneliness in his life?

Many situations in life make humans feel driven away from the place they belong to. Every human being has his or her own reason for feeling lonely. The feeling that they have been detached from something in a forcible manner makes it worse to experience. Approaching loneliness from a Psychological point of view, it can be defined as an outcome of lack of understanding of facts or rather misunderstanding of the same. Some such facts are given below.

  • Not being accepted by a group of people whom we feel close
  • Being unkind and rude to one self due to low self esteem keeps people away from mingling with others
  • Lack of being curious and inquisitive makes people appear dull and boring. This pulls people away making them feel lonely
  • Belonging to the Procrastinator community. Staying back from attending get-togethers and meetings
  • Failure to identify people who belong to the same flock sharing the same dreams
  • Being highly self centric and not focusing enough on other’s needs
  • Lack of realization that they have given up to the mental habit of feeling lonely
  • Alienating oneself assuming that others don’t like them
  • Expecting others to provide comfort or consolation that was received during childhood (unrealistic expectations)
  • Lack of understanding that loneliness is purely an emotion and not really the reality

As we grow up in life, we might have considered a group of people as close to us. Unfortunately, they need not reciprocate the same feelings towards us. Our expectations fail to match the reality, creating a feeling that we are being treated as an outcast. Thinking about this in a dispassionate manner we realize that it is not the people in the group who makes us feel lonely but it is we who seclude ourselves from the group.

During our adolescence, we might have considered a person of the opposite gender as the best fit to be our better half. When the other person does not reciprocate the same kind of feelings towards us, the lack of acceptance makes us feel lonely. We fail to realize that it is not a compulsion on the part of the other person to feel the same way as we feel. Here again, it is not the other person who makes us feel lonely but we are the cause for our loneliness.

The death of a near and dear one whom we considered as our alter ego can cause psychological loneliness in us. Understanding the reality that death is inevitable will help us come out of the loneliness we have imposed on ourselves.

How to overcome this feeling and what all could be done about it?

The fact that loneliness is just a feeling makes it easy to overcome the same. Tips provided below can guide people to come out of loneliness in an effortless manner.

  • Understanding clearly as to what makes you feel lonely is the first requisite to overcome the same
  • Open up to someone who is dependable and share what you feel about the issue
  • Come out of your Cocoon realizing that ‘you’ are isolating yourself from others
  • Make new connections if you are genuinely convinced that you are being left out as an outcast by one particular group
  • Stop comparing yourself with others. It is a beautiful feeling to be oneself. You are special and there is no one else in this world like you are
  • Read inspirational stories about others who succeeded in coming out of their loneliness and depression
  • Get into some hobby that would make you feel complete while you are still struggling with loneliness
  • Be kind to yourselves and be your own good companion all the time
  • Self talk helps a lot. Practice talking to self and do so in a positive manner
  • Learn to be pragmatic. Accept the reality as it is and give in to the logic instead of emotions
  • Walk. Exercise. Be with yourself and do all that you feel like which would bring you out of the lonely feeling you are experiencing

Is loneliness good in any situation? If yes, what all situations? If not, then why not? 

The life we live today is full of chaos. While technology has eased our lives in many ways, the disconnect we feel from the real nuances of life is increasing every passing day. The psychological imbalances we experience in a frequent manner goes unattended to many a times causing the stress to pile up. When looked at from this point of view, loneliness is a blessing. It is a boon that facilitates connecting to ourselves in an uninterrupted manner. Loneliness is predominantly an art which bestows mankind with many benefits which are both physical as well as psychological in nature.

  • Spending time with self in fixed periodicities will help us realize our own flaws. Human mind tends to accept the flaws in one’s own character or approach, when highlighted by self rather than others. This is because it feels safe to confide in one’s own self. This confiding will relieve people from heartburns nurturing relationships automatically. This in turn will give you the confidence to come out of your loneliness.
  • Being alone for sometime will help us focus on the problems in hand without any interruptions. This will help us think of alternatives without getting influenced by opinions of people around.
  • Being alone helps in deep thinking and this is what is required to solve serious problems in life
  • Being alone makes us feel relieved and confident when we are able to convince ourselves more than getting convinced by others around us. After all, we know the real intensity of our situations more than others do.
  • Being alone helps us focus in many things in which we are defocused. This can add immense value to many aspects of our life.
  • Being alone helps us to unwind ourselves from the unwanted feelings that haunt us. This increases our productivity levels in a direct manner bringing the right balance in our approach and activities

Many a times, we feel like running away from the crowd to a place where we just exist alone with the serene nature. This solitude is all that the tortured inner self asks for in life. This requirement of the inner self gives immense pleasure much to the surprise of mankind which considers loneliness as a bane.


Written by Rama Ramji edited by SiteMaster



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